


Christy Is Off My Christmas Card List

by Telcontarian



Series: The Truth or Dare Chronicles [2]
Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: A Shitshow of Epic Proportions, Christmas, Christmas Presents, Crack, Expressing My Distaste For Christy Through The Medium Of Poetry, I need help, JOGGLE4EVA, Jareth Is A Christmas Present, Jareth Is A Snack, M/M, Midlife Crisis, Sweet sweet warty pickle, Utter Shitstorm, Warty Pickle, What Have I Done, implied BDSM, joggle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27051946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telcontarian/pseuds/Telcontarian
Summary: Expressing my distaste for Christy through the medium of poetry.Written because I’m an idiot who keeps choosing dare when playing Truth or Dare on LFFL.For LadyKyridwen.
Relationships: Hoggle/Jareth, Jareth & Hoggle
Series: The Truth or Dare Chronicles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974274
Comments: 16
Kudos: 10





	Christy Is Off My Christmas Card List

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyKyridwen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyKyridwen/gifts).



> A massive thank you to [TrueLoveBeliever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueLoveBeliever/pseuds/TrueLoveBeliever) for her feedback and help with rhyming.

‘Twas the night before Christmas  
And all through the Castle,  
Nothing was stirring  
Except Hoggle, the asshole.

For Hoggle was dreaming  
Of his favourite snack:  
Jareth the Goblin King  
Tied up in a sack.

When Hoggle was sitting  
On Santa Claus’ lap,  
He wished for the monarch  
Or be cured of the clap.

“Oh for fuck’s sake Hoggle,  
I don’t perform miracles.  
I’ll just tie a ribbon  
Around Jareth’s testicles."

Poor Jareth was tucked up  
All cosy in bed, when  
The tinkling of sleigh bells  
Had filled him with dread.

With a shout and a curse  
And then a small scuffle;  
Jareth was tied up and  
His protests were muffled.

With his chestnuts roasting  
Before the hot fire,  
Poor Jareth lay helpless  
And seething with ire.

Naked and blindfolded  
And gagged for good measure,  
His dick in a ribbon  
For Hoggle’s sick pleasure.

And lo! The door opened  
And who should appear?  
None other than Hoggle  
With BDSM gear.

He had collars and handcuffs  
And no clothes to hide  
The erect warty pickle  
And the whip by his side.

“Good evenin’, Yer Majesty,”  
He said with a grin.  
“I hope yer comfortable  
“Now let us begin.”

Jareth was astonished  
By his warty pickle.  
“Just put it inside me  
Oh, hurry up, Higgle!”

The fire grew dimmer  
As they took their pleasure;  
Spanking and fucking  
In desperate measures.

“Oh, harder and faster,  
“And don’t dare pull out!”  
Screaming “Hopscotch, I love you!”  
Jareth came with a shout.

“I’s comin’, I’s comin’,”  
He replied with a groan,  
The dwarf’s grunts of pleasure  
Drowned by Jareth’s loud moans.

And when they had finished  
They dozed by the fire  
Until they were woken  
To face Queen Sarah’s ire.

**Author's Note:**

> I need a drink.


End file.
